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Title: Do It Afraid

Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of the Service-Based Business Society podcast. Today we have a very special guest, one that I truly enjoy connecting with and talking about things that I didn't necessarily even understand the power of until we got to talking. So today we're going to be chatting with Renata Constable. And her story is one of coming face to face with the emotional abuse she received as a child and making the journey from fear and negative self-talk to the freedom of self-acceptance through the power of empathy. Now, we've talked about negative self-talk here on the podcast a few times. If you're not, it really brings a perspective that I cannot wait to share with you.

Today, she's on a mission to help ambitious women break free from self-doubt and fear and lead with authenticity, competence, and joy. Or clients love her straightforward yet full of empathy approach, which leaves them with a sense of clarity and action steps that make their dreams feel closer than ever. Renata is a certified empathy-based life and business coach. She is a Clifton Strengths communicator, dares to lead training, and is a team facilitator. She has been awake for the last 19 years. And as a mom of three teenagers, she believes every single one of us was created as a unique individual with a unique purpose. Guys, I cannot wait to share this discussion with you. And I welcome you to connect in the group after and ask some questions to get the conversation going around this topic. Because negative self-talk really affects everyone of all ages and of all backgrounds at some point or another, And if someone tells you that they have never had negative self-talk, they're lying.

It's that moment of, "Am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing this? Do I really know what I'm doing? Oh, no, people are going to see through me; they're going to see that I don't really know what I'm talking about. Because no matter what, no matter how confident we are in certain parts, no one is confident in all of the parts. And so working through some of these pieces and really looking fear straight in the face can offer an entirely different perspective. So welcome to the show, Renata.

I'm super excited to dive into the topic of fear and utilize it for positive instead of negative purposes. So tell me a little bit about yourself and what kind of fear you are offering. Tell me about your business.

 

Hi, Tiffany. Well, thanks. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me and for being here and for being open and willing to open the conversation about fear being our ally, not our friend, not our enemy. For the past five years, I have worked with, you know, women's minds and freshmen transitioning into their first jobs. And those women who have had their jobs for a long time and now they're transitioning to their own businesses. And they are realizing that, you know, I want to work for myself; I want to add value to this world; I want to do something that has heart and soul; and I want to share with the world my experience. And my story is similar. For 15-20 years, I worked in the corporate world, and up until my 30s, I actually didn't realize how much of my personal trauma baggage I carried from my childhood and adolescent years. And it was during that transition from, you know, corporations to nonprofits that I began working with women, mentoring, coaching, and building teams with them. Up until then, I didn't realize how much fear or my anger were holding me back, and I was actually treating them as if something was wrong with me. Everyone else seems to have it all figured out.

They're also confident. Why am I running into the same walls? And I see that in my clients; I started in my own life, so at some point I realized, "Okay, there have to be some secrets to it. But when I started digging into the secrets of confidence, I realized that, you know, confident people are afraid as well. Let's count on that. No, as you know, confident people are not afraid. That's a myth that everybody gets scared of. Because, you know, fear is private; it's there to actually help and protect us. Right. That's how it worked at the beginning. So this is what happened. That's why that's what I've been doing for the past five years.

It's such an interesting topic. And it actually really resonated for me, the confident people feeling fear. In my first three years of my undergraduate degree, I did a communications minor, and one of the courses that we did was all about public speaking. And so each student would go, and each week they would go and run the class. So they would come up with the agenda and the topics, and they would have all these presenters, and I remember that it was all videotaped, and then you had to watch the video back and critique yourself. And so my professor said, Oh, you look so confident. You look, you know, like you're not nervous at all. And I'm looking at the video, and I thought, I don't look nervous. But, oh, my gosh, the insides were gnarly. And I was like, Okay, so there was this thing where the insides are not matching the outside. Because he was like, Oh, see how confident Tiffany-Ann is? And I was like, Oh, wow. I mean, fake it till you make it? I guess because the inside is telling you I am nervous. Yes. 

Watching confident and great people brews confidence

Yeah, this happens all the time. I mean, this is what a lot of it sounds like for, you know, some women, watching others watch other women. The big influences, you know, Michelle, Obama, Beyonce, all the big names, were like, "Oh, man, they have figured it out. They're so confident. But then they're also our coworkers, those people who work with our, you know, friends, and they just seemed to have that air of confidence around them. Really, as you're saying, right, you'll look confident, but everything in here was just shaking. You just figured out the way to move with that fear and to dance with that fear. And some people have it naturally. And there are times when it's easier. And there are times when it's harder. I think maybe when the stakes are higher, we get a little more paralyzed. Or maybe when we get older, we realize, "Oh, man, this is bigger than I thought it was. 

But there are times when we give in to that fear. And you know, one of my favorite sayings is "Do it for a friend." Well, because technically, there is no other way to do it. You know? How do you build your confidence? Doing exactly the thing that you are afraid of? Yeah, so if you didn't do exactly what you were afraid of, you need to do it anyway. So I remember posting on my personal profile on Facebook this picture of moving out of my comfort zone, and there's this great comfort zone where it's safe and predictable, but uncertain. And then there is a little darker fears of self doubt, negative self talk judgment, self judgment and fear, the mucky middle, where we need to move through to get to the growth, where we all want to be right the zone where we actually defining our own terms of how we live and how are we going to run our business? And how are we going to show up in those new roles and in the new workplaces? And my friend commented, as she pushed back on that post so much, saying the coaching gurus need to stop telling people to get out of their comfort zones because that actually is the hard part of harming people. And I paused, and I was like, "Okay, what's going on here, right? Because normally everybody wants everybody to talk as if that's where magic happens. That's where adventure happens when you get out of your comfort zone.

That's where miracles happen. But I was like, okay, for some people, it's a very uncomfortable conversation. But what's the reason for that, and I have realized that, so I went and googled, like, what you know, this fear and the terms that you find for fear for you know, are to deal with fear: to fight your fear, to deny your fear, or to destroy your fear. Those are pretty combative statements. But when you are moving out of your comfort zone and you're afraid you're affecting your system, your nervous system is flooded by the stress hormone cortisol. So you're already pretty stressed out. So everything in you tenses up because that's what your body's getting ready for: to fight, flee, or freeze. Because what it's trying to do, your brain is doing its job.

You're getting out of safety; it's a dangerous world out there. The only difference is that right now we don't have to be afraid of dinosaurs. And we don't have to be a wild animal coming and getting our arms out.

Right now, all these fears are internal, unless you're, you know, coming back home in the middle of the night and you're in the shady alley between the dark buildings and you see some guy creeping in the back, well, maybe that's a good time to turn around and walk away. But in normal circumstances, those fears are internalized. It's your brain trying to tell you it's not safe; stay safe; play it small; don't do anything crazy; don't try new things. So this is the moment when some women, not just women, pull back and give in to that fear. And what do they do? They close in because they want that nervous system to kind of disarm itself. But there is a better way to do it. And it's not combative. It's not to deny it, and it's not to pretend to fake it until you make it.

It's all good for your pep talk right before public speaking, when you get on, you know, you stand in front of your mirror, put that makeup on, and you go, "You got this girl, and it works for that pep talk, but to build grounded confidence, that one that every time you can fall back and say, Okay, that's my experience," I've been here before. I've done new things as I've grown. I've made risky decisions, I've taken risks, and I've made new connections. And you can draw on these experiences to do them again, in a new context. But the better way to move through fear is actually through self compassion. It's actually to meet yourself and recognize, "Okay, there is a part of me that's afraid. But that part of me is not afraid because it's trying to destroy my growth. It's actually trying to protect me. So how about I recognize it and say, Thank you for showing up. Of course, you're afraid; of course, you're afraid we're about to go live on the podcast; of course, you're afraid because you're about to go live on your Facebook group, or you're about for the first time to put that crazy Tiktok out there, or for the first time you're going to be speaking in public, or you're going to be facilitating a group of women. Or maybe you're going to be doing, you know, the TED Talk. So, of course, you're afraid. And instead of going, you know, pretending to be nine, you keep flooding your system with more stress. If you try to deny it, you're stressed, and that means you're scared. I keep saying that. It's like trying to extinguish the fire by pouring more gasoline on it. So instead of trying to fight, right, to fear, okay.

I am afraid. Okay, everybody gets afraid. What do I need right now? I can take a deep breath. What can I be thankful for at this moment? Oh, I have a new opportunity. If I'm afraid, that means I'm growing. That means I'm learning, and that means I am doing what I am expanding. You know, I am. Honestly, I'm becoming bigger. So then, with fear, when you realize that instead of closing in and becoming smaller, because that's what fear is trying to do, keep you small, so that others won't judge anybody. You know what this person is going to think of you: that you're stupid. Okay, maybe. But let's just do it. You're afraid. Let's just go. I remember having this client back in December. She was trying to launch a printer. And for a while, she was, you know, trying to get her business going. And she finally called me, and we met, and she was like, You know what? I need your help. I'm tired of sitting on my hands and doing nothing. So, you know, one conversation led to another, and we established that she's absolutely horrified by the media. She's afraid to put herself out there to start showing up, to be visible, to start posting on social media, to reach out to people and tell people about even what she does. And so I asked her about what this fear looks like.

And she drew this picture for me of her office. And then there's this big, scary demon sitting at a desk. And I asked her a question: "Well, what do you think that demon needs? Oh, I never thought that I actually might need something. So, you know, and of course, over the course of our five, yeah, I think we've met for five or six weeks.

Fear and Anxiety

It turns out that she started taking that demon for walks. She started going with that demon, you know, starting to listen to this fear and saying, "Okay, what can you learn from that fear? What is it trying to tell you? And it transitioned. And she said that at the end, she was ready to start building her business from a place of love rather than fear. Because she recognized that, oh, my gosh, it's part of me. Because a lot of times when we start fighting our own emotions, that's true, not just about fear. That's true about anxiety. That's true about our anger. That's true without all these emotions where we are uncomfortable. It's true about our inner critic. What is that like—oh, you shut up; you just don't talk? Stop talking. Okay? What if it doesn't want something from you? What if it does want something for you? And when we start being attentive to those parts, we actually embrace them and integrate ourselves. Because if we find these parts, we are ultimately finding ourselves. That was my discovery.

I mean, most of my personal story is coming face to face with a childhood of emotional abuse. And for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. You know, I am too angry and too afraid. It was always something about me.

Yes, too 

And it was until I realized, Oh, wait. That's just part of me. Why am I fighting with me? So yeah, so that's what that was; that was always fun for me to see my clients going through that switch. When I was like, Oh, actually, that's something. 

I find transformation. Transformation is such a powerful thing to witness. It's when you're, whether it's someone going from kind of that introverted, shy, holding back, and then saying no, and I'm showing up for my business, I can do that while still being introverted and while still being shy, but that transformation of no means I deserve for my message to be heard and I want my business to run. And ultimately, you know, if you have a message to share with the world, whether you're shy or don't want to be on camera, or all of these things, if you want to share it, you have to make this transition of, "Okay, I'm going to do it, I'm going to step out and share my message with the world. That's fantastic. That transformation piece for me really fills my cup, if you will, being a part of business and people's personal development transformation, which I just love. I love it. I love it so much.

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So you were talking about, you know, this personal transformation of your own and knowing that you had this trauma that you needed to work through, and now you're helping coach others, what part of your life did you realize you wanted to be different? At what part did you say, Hey, this is a problem?" And I want to change the outcome. 

See, for me, the biggest transformation happened for personal reasons. I was already in my 30s. And I had my children; they were very, very young. And I had three beautiful kids, and I had a loving husband. And I have realized that I started repeating in my life some of the behaviors that I was raised with, things that my mom did or my grandmother did, in terms of being very verbally abusive, being passive aggressive, and being angry. And so my main reason was that I didn't want to do this to my children. I don't want to be that mom who's always angry or who's never clear about her expectations and who is always expecting that others will guess my mind, guess my thoughts, and guess what I want, and then I realized that the same things that are making me toxic at home are making me toxic in my relationships at work.

My husband and I lead an international startup project in Warsaw, Poland. And we were recruiting and developing leaders; we were building people up; I was coaching and mentoring women, right? And there was still this stuff inside me; that was where I could see the jealousy or the bitterness being there, or where I was easily found. And I realized that I didn't want the same things for my children; I finally wanted them to be gone from my life, as in, I wanted to understand what the heck is going on. Because before, you know, I was in advertising and PR, and I was doing really well. And I had these good executive jobs, but it was always high intensity, always fast. That was one of the things I realized: I was moving super fast in my life, just so I could quickly move past a lot of uncomfortable conversations and a lot of uncomfortable encounters at work. So it started as a motherly instinct, but then I realized that it was toxic behavior. I'm pushing them down, but I am not resolving them. So they were, and I wasn't able to really meet people from a place of self-acceptance because I was rejecting myself; therefore, I was super judgmental of others. I wasn't in a place of integrated life with, you know, thoughts, feelings, and actions; those were not always matched up by feelings. My actions would be all right, you know, I'm all there for you and with you, but my thoughts and my feelings were not lining up. So I knew it wasn't aligned.

And that's kind of bugging me; that started bugging me so, and then I really thought I was covering it up really well. And then there was this friend, this new person I'd met. And he showed up a few times to our different events, and we became friends. And at some point, he came up to me and said, You know, I noticed therapists who helped people with problems like yours, and I was like, what problems do I have? So I thought I was doing such a good job covering it up. But it wasn't a good job, obviously, for the world.

So my first reaction was as everybody else's first reaction: I pushed back.

New Approach, New Result

But then I took three good breaths, and I realized, you know what, if I want different results, maybe it's time to try a new path, stop repeating the same mistakes, stop running into the same walls, because it seems like I've done everything I read all the self-help books, I listened to all the audiobooks that I was supposed to listen to, then all the work, you know, all the things that I was supposed to do, trying to build new habits, but really what I was doing was fighting the old and fighting all these emotions and all these feelings and my old self, rather than focusing on what's in front of me and building a new on grounded, you know, sort of unsteady ground. So, yeah, so I went to the therapist, and then I started working with a coach. And that's when I started working with the coach; everything moved forward, and she was very strong on empathy. One of the things that I used with my clients is nonviolent communication, which basically, in a nutshell, is the principle that there are no good or bad feelings; they're just feelings. You're just, you know, here; they move through us; we don't have to get hijacked by them, and that made a huge difference in my life. But I'm also seeing it make a difference in other people's lives. And when I started unpacking all these things, as you can probably imagine a lot of stories of people who overcome trauma, it's very similar. At first, it's very uncomfortable. So you find it so unpleasant that you don't want to do it. But then it is when you let go and stop doing this that you actually open up and meet yourself with empathy and self-compassion. And with that knowledge and with gratitude, you start changing your story. You stop being a victim of your story; you become a hero of your story, and you're allowing all these old things to actually fall away and become rubble. In that rubble, you start finding your strength, your skills, and your experiences, and that's where you can be grateful for everything you've experienced. Because everything that I've experienced has led me to be who I am today, I appreciate a lot of things that I can do with women who have experienced trauma and refuse to do things, refuse to ask for help, and live in the hole. I can do it all alone. That's one of the, you know, myths of being a successful entrepreneur, right? I can do it alone. You can't. Let's be honest.

You know, it's interesting because people I often hear from are, you know, on the off time of the podcast, and all the things we have going on here, I do full-service business management. And so we do things like use social media, do marketing, and all these other types of things. And so for an entrepreneur, you know, we often see those who have been really talented or really passionate—those are the two, you know, and they've started a business based on their talent or their passion, neither of which usually is like social media marketing, or, you know, writing blogs, necessarily, or building web pages, or setting up all of these things. And it's like, "Okay, well, you know, I need to learn." First, I need to grow my business; I need to learn all of these skills; I need to do all of these things. And then, when I'm ready, I can, and then I can teach someone else. Yes. And it's such a reverse concept. Because ultimately, I truly believe that you need to know enough to have a knowledgeable conversation with someone. But I don't think that an entrepreneur needs to learn all of these skills; they don't need to learn all of the things because sometimes you have to do something once or twice. And so it takes all this time, and it takes 10 times as long because someone's like, No, I'll do it myself; I'll figure it out. And it's like you're spinning your tires; you're pushing off without actually being able to deliver on your passion or your talent. And so, unless you know, social media is such a big one because it has become a huge part of everything. The expectation for our business is to be everywhere. I follow all this content. And, you know, it's like you're not a social media influencer; that's not what you signed up for. But you do want your business to do well. And so you're doing all these things. But the end result of that I'll do it all myself is actually you're stunting the growth of your business, you know, calling in asking for the appropriate help.

Yes, it all comes from a good place. It comes from—you know, I'll figure it out. I'm resourceful. I'm passionate, and I am, you know, guilty of it myself. And now I can figure this out. And sometimes, but sometimes, it's like, "Hang on, hang on, what? What could you be doing with that time? What other opportunity? Could you be realizing this? And so, you know, asking for help? I don't? It's not something that comes naturally to a lot of people; I would say the majority of those that I speak to anyways are more of the No, no, I'll figure it out. I'm resourceful. I got this. And that's good. It is good. But at times, you have to know when asking for help is the right thing to do. And it's not a net?

 Yes. See, Brene Brown talks about it in her in dare to lead when, of course, it's a leadership book, but a lot of principles from there can be applied in that mean, enter being intrapreneur, you are a leader, you are an influencer, right. So I can go in alone. It's one of the myths of vulnerability. Because this is the place where you need to step in and say, Okay, I don't know this.

And what usually happens is that our inner critic fires up. What do you mean you don't know this? Of course, you don't know. You know, you're stupid. You can do this. So we're trying everything. And I don't have any, you know, scientific proof with that. But to a large extent, my gut guess is that when we're trying to learn all these things and trying to do it all alone, we're trying to prove to our inner critic that we have what it takes to succeed. And when we're asking for help, that means winning.

Yes, I think it also comes a little bit from, you know, if I think back to my own corporate journey, and you know, there's not that many seats at the table to kind of steal Sheryl Sandberg's message, there's not that many into which, rather than showing weakness, you're like, No, I got this, I deserve the spot. And so it is that you don't want to show vulnerability. You don't want to show your weakness; you want the spot. And so it really has evolved into a lack of community, a lack of the right people doing the right things. And, and so, one of the pieces, and one of the reasons I made the transition from corporate to entrepreneurial, and one of the reasons I kind of started the podcast, is that I love connecting with people who are passionate, who are the experts in their field, and having conversations just like this and digging into, you know, all of these pieces that aren't necessarily, you know, specific to my skill set, knowing what their skill set and their passions are, and these are the conversations that I just, it's so nice to connect with really intelligent, passionate people.

Eyes Open!

 You know, Tiffany and I really agree with you that if we stop living closed lives and start living, you know, in a sort of self-expanding way, we can learn from others. Because a lot of times we come into these meetings thinking, "I don't even know if we have these thoughts in our heads that you need. We need to always be super-perfect and have all the information and knowledge we need; otherwise, nobody is going to pay attention to us. But the more we are open up and the more we lean into actually listening to what others have to say, the more we can start appreciating the fact that, "Oh, so she's an expert in this, and I'm an expert in this; how can we do this together? How can we benefit each other? Is it not a petition? You know, nobody has 100% as an individual; you know, our strengths are different. I mean, one of the things I do is work with Gallup strengths, and there's a reason why, you know, they're all mixed up and different. We're not cookie cutters; we are all unique in our, in our talents and our skills and our experiences, you know, in where we grew up and our characters personalities, and only when we start, you know, kind of blending it together, working with each other and learning from each other, are we actually growing. And, and, you know, we start living this almost self-transcendent way. But you know, there are three emotions that actually help us with that. And that one of them is all; it's love, it's compassion, it's gratitude. And the third one is all in sometimes that curiosity—being curious about the other person. And what they're bringing to the table. gives us that even moment of just fully relaxing and realizing, Oh, wait, I can just sit and listen. I don't have to always be on my toes. But this is that fear telling us in our heads that we're not good enough that we're, you know, if you don't know this, then you don't deserve that seat at the table. If you're not doing it all, and you're not doing it all alone,

That was huge for me. And we learned from some of the vulnerability stuff with Brene Brown that doing it alone is a myth of vulnerability. And b It's actually one of the signs of trauma that you experience. Because what do you traumatize? People usually learn that they're on their own, that they have nobody that they can rely on or trust. So there comes a trust issue for me to do it all alone because asking for help is a weakness, which was actually a message I received from my grandmother. But that message made sense for her. She grew up in communist Poland—first the Second World War, then communist Poland—and couldn't trust anybody. She had to, you know, trust herself with just the closest family. And you don't ask others for help because they're going to mess you up. They're going to take advantage of you. But that story made sense for her.

It's a different story now for me, right? So some of the stuff that we're saying in our heads is a result of the stories we're telling ourselves, things that, yeah, yes, absolutely.

I think it comes down to you taking the stories and deciding what you want them to be. To me, the story itself doesn't dictate what happens next. It's taking that and, you know, I'm, I'm kind of that analytical brain. And I always think it's the same thing to me, as, you know, you have a bunch of data, and it's a bunch of numbers and all of these things. But that doesn't act like it's actually taking the numbers and the data and digesting them and deciding and analyzing what it means. What does that mean? What does that mean for the future? And it's the same thing with our stories and our past, deciding what happens next, taking that, and learning.

It's the same thing with fear. Oh, wait. I'm afraid. Of course. I'm afraid. It's now not letting it Yes, run, rather than allowing that emotion to go through you. And going, Oh, of course, I'm doing something new. Yeah, it's natural. I'm a human. Therefore, I am afraid. Because I am what I'm growing, seeing fear is something that is here to protect you. And because it's protecting you, it has your best interests in mind. So if you can actually stop for that moment and go, Oh, yeah, it makes sense. What can I be thankful for at this moment? What can I learn from that fear? I can be thankful that I'm growing and learning; you think I'm going to be on podcasts, that I'm going to be on Doc, that I'm going to publish my first book, that I'm going to publish my first article on LinkedIn, whatever it is.

It suggests, if you're afraid, you're growing; you're expanding your comfort zone. And that's something good, something to be thankful for, you know, and taking that deep breath and saying, "Oh, okay, yeah. And then taking time to kind of, you know, reflect like, "Why am I here?" What am I afraid of? What am I really afraid of here?

You know, one of the things it makes me think back to is almost leaving, leaving school, really, and I was so shy. There were times where people would speak to me, and I would remember, and I would freeze, and they would look at me, like, "Are you going to reply? And I'm like, I can't speak. I really can't speak. And so, you know, I, I ended up the one of the first things I did after school was I was a nanny. And so I was working with children, and I absolutely loved it. But I wasn't able to do that and go back to university. So I made the transition. I said, "Well, I need to work at night so I can go to school during the day. And what am I going to do? And so I thought, Well, I think I can. I think I can be a server. I can do this. But I thought, "Oh boy, I'm really shy. But I also thought, you know, if it's a job in that, in your mindset, you know, if you have a job to do, it's a little bit different. And so I thought, Well, I'm going to have to walk up to people and ask them if they want something, because that's the expectation.

And so I ended up getting this job at this scuzzy bar, about two towns over from me. And then I had no experience with the fact that I started on a Friday night at 10 o'clock. And it was, it was like, Okay, I was, I honestly remember sitting in my car thinking I didn't even want to go in. I didn't want to go in; I don't know, This is terrible. But I went in. And I remember that there were a couple of other servers who did not want to talk to me. They clearly were like a little clique. And I was like, Oh, what am I doing here? This is crazy. Why am I here? Why am I pretending that I am somebody I'm not? But I kept going. And I ended up making some amazing friends there.

I worked there for a year and a half, made all sorts of great money, went to school, and did all of the other things. But I reflect back and I think of that moment of deciding no, I am going to keep going. Even though, let me tell you, I would have rather done just about anything else. I still remember it like it was yesterday. But in that moment of continuing and saying no, I'm going to do it. And ultimately, I mean, had I never done something like that, Would I be here? Would I be podcasting? Would I be, you know, doing Facebook Lives and all these things? I don't. I don't know; at one point, I had to take that leap from being super shy and unable to speak to, which I'm doing anyway. And so this is beautiful.

That's an amazing story. Yeah, but it's funny because when you were talking about it, I was thinking about what you also said before about the fact that you have an analytical mind. And then you have all the numbers as data, and it's just basically all data. I was thinking, you know, feelings are the data of our hearts. That is also data. Hmm, yes. So yeah, we can try, you know, we can treat it as data. It's like, "Oh, I'm feeling angry now. What's going on? Right? Oh, I am happy now with what happened with that because it works both ways. Right? We do analyze only the good, that is, the feelings that make us feel uncomfortable, but the truth is that all the positive feelings are the ones that, as you know, suggest that our needs are met. Something big happened, right? Something that you can celebrate has happened, something that you can be proud of. So this is data for us as well. And if we are as Brene Brown says, you know, full of feeling machines that think that's very valuable data right there,

Yes. Wow, I'm just dropping values here today. That is such a crazy thought. When you say it like that. It's like, Yes, that makes so much sense. Oh my gosh, yes. Okay, where can people connect with you? If they are wanting more, are they wanting more of this messaging? Where can they? 

Well, I am; I'm present on all three of the basic social media sites: Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. The best way to connect with me is through my professional fan page on Facebook. And obviously, Instagram is also personal. It's not a personal profile. It's a business profile. So it's open; it's all run out to another constable. Yeah, I will, and you probably will be posting some links.

Yes, I'll add the link. 

Yeah, I do have a YouTube channel. But I'm giving full disclosure right now. I actually hit the brakes on a YouTube channel about a month ago. And I want to take a different direction. So if you go there and you see that nothing has been posted for a while, there's a good reason behind it: I'm actually honestly figuring out the voice I want to have on YouTube. And I am learning how to edit things. And I want to add more stuff to it rather than just being a talking head. So there is stuff there already about emotions and about empathy, including self-empathy, and there is stuff about redoing our stories, with actual practical advice as in grabbing colorful Sharpies and having on a piece of paper the old stories. What are the new stories that I'm doing with the old data and the new data? And? And yes, those are the best ways to find me.

That's fantastic. So let's leave with one tangible tip someone can implement today that will see an effect on their life tomorrow. 

Breathe

Well, for me, it's always that one breath. So I'm and I recently went through a super-intense business training where there was a lot of fear and discomfort and I was pushed and pulled. And I was kicking and screaming, doing things I did not want to do. But for the first three weeks of the course, I ignored all these symptoms. And I forgot to breathe. And then in the second part of that course, I remembered to breathe, as in, when I hit the wall, I'm afraid I don't want to do it. I'm never doing it again; I want to give up, and I'm throwing in my gloves. That's when I decided to practice some self-compassion. And it always starts with one breath. Because remember, when you are feeling afraid, it's your sick natural systems response that is flooding you and telling you to get out of here. Or pretend you're not here, freeze, or fight. So what you want to do is take out the dirt and say, "Okay, I am afraid to receive the data. And then later on, you can reflect on it. What am I afraid of? What do I actually need to move on from? And how can I get that resource? You start with the breath that you know could be three breaths. What is it? Three as smelling roses? That's the you're in and exhale by what do you call it with the candles on the oh my gosh the candles on a birthday cake. What's the word? Yeah, but what do you blog about? Yeah, you smell causes, and you're blowing out the candles. Or my favorite is smelling it, as you know from throwing squares. You breathe in on for, you hold it for, you breathe out on for, and you let it go on for, but you're still breathing seriously, whatever the stressful moment. The first door to freedom, to that self-compassion, to that gratitude, is always breath. And that's easy. You can do it. Anyway, 

Thank you so much, and yes, anywhere, anytime. When that fear of discomfort hits you, you don't. I love to smell the roses and blow out the candles. What a great analogy. Thank you so much. There are so many valuable points here. I cannot wait to share

Thank you, Tiffany, for the invitation. It was fun. I love the data analogy. I'm taking that out with me.

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