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A very special guest, one whose experience and message really align with both me personally and on the business side. So I'm going to introduce you to Marisa Lonneke. After nearly 15 years in corporate leadership positions, she is a keynote speaker, life and business coach, three-time author, top-rated podcast host, and the founder of Mama Work It. Marissa shifted gears to becoming a full-time momager and business momager through her books, courses, and coaching programs. Through these, she helps busy moms juggling mom life, work life, and wife life fill in the blanks. Her time management and goal achievement strategies have helped the most overwhelmed mamas turn their dreams into reality, even when they thought they had no time to make any of that happen. I think guys, you know, right away why this guest aligned so much for me, as a mom of three juggling mom life, wife life, work life, all the things together. It's tough. And whether you have children or not, you're still juggling life's responsibilities. And this episode truly comes from a place of talking about time management from the perspective of managing what's important to you. So whether you are a mama for Mama or a husband, ultimately, there are so many responsibilities to juggle, and this episode really dives in. So let's get started.

Hi, Marissa.   Thanks so much for joining.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

So let's jump right in. And let's introduce you, the kind of people you serve, and where people are connecting with you.

Absolutely. So my name is Marissa Lonneke. Mama Orchid is the name of the organization I founded. And we help women navigate the jungle of motherhood, work, marriage, and whatever else life throws at them. And you can find me at MAMA work at com. Ma Ma.

I love it so much. The juggling of the absolute and not just, as you mentioned, the wife's life and the rest of the like,

fill in the blanks of life. Yeah, we all wear many hats.

You have kids as well as

I do have four.

What is the youngest or oldest yet?

I have eight-year-old twins. And then a four-and-a-half-year-old will say four and three-quarters. And two and a half years old. Yeah,

really similar to my kids' ages as well. My oldest is nine; my second is seven; and my third just turned three. So

nice.   Yeah.   Okay, so we're in a similar season here.

Yes, a similar season. So I understand the juggling. So when you're talking to people about the kind of placement of their lives, you know, the season as you just mentioned, what kind of things are you looking at? Or what is that overarching message that you have for them?

Time is a Precious Piece

Hmm, yeah, I mean, I think a common denominator I see no matter what season you're in, whether you're a parent or not, whether you're an entrepreneur or an employee, is that a lot of people tend to have this kind of love-hate relationship with time. And they see time as this really scarce thing in their lives. Like, how many times do you catch yourself saying, I don't have time, right? I used to say this ad nauseam all the time. And what happens is that when you say this out loud and believe that there's never enough time, it becomes your truth. And you feel like you just never have time for things that are actually important to you and that matter to you. That you wish you could do your goals, your dreams, your ambition, or, I don't know, even just relax or do something fun. And that's no way to live, in my opinion

I totally agree. I actually had this conversation not that long ago with my husband because people stopped inviting us to things. Because they were like, Oh, well, you're busy. You're so busy all the time. And I'm like, why do people think we're so busy? And sure, we have a lot on the go, but if you compare life now to, say, a pre-COVID When you like, there are plans all the time. And now I'm like, on the weekends, we should go for a barbecue or something, but we're not that busy. But you know, people say, "How are you doing? And a lot of times it's, yeah, like, pretty busy. Things are good. And then people, you know, it's framing it and and

Yeah, isn't that funny? How busy that answer is when you get that regular old question. How are you? It has become sort of a synonym for "good," "fine," or "okay, like people are just wearing it as a badge of honor. And it's mind-blowing to me. But I also see it all day. And I was guilty of it myself, right? And it's kind of like, when you say those things, even just in response to small talk, look at the perception that's being put out there. Like now, you're not even getting these invites to fun things because people think you're too busy. Meanwhile, you're just saying it, almost like it's just rolling off your tongue like nothing.

We have the conversations that we really need to have; like, no more mention of the word busy. Right? When I was in my corporate job, our CEO did not like the word busy. It was like a banned word. He's like, his whole thing was busy and is not a unit of measure. And you're busy is different from being busy, and because you get people who you know, it's like, "Well, how's the week?" Oh, it's so busy. And it's like, okay, but let's break that down into something that's actually, you know, solvable in terms of, like, we have a lot of volume on this task or this issue, or, you know, just busy if it's on its own didn't actually tell you anything.

Current State Doesn't Matter

Yeah, I think that goes hand in hand, too. When people feel overwhelmed. Because anybody can feel overwhelmed. Whether you're a parent of four or five kids juggling a career and all these things, or you're like a dog, mom, or single woman, you can feel overwhelmed, and that state doesn't matter. So it's really like I tell my clients to, when you're in that state in your brain, dump everything on a piece of paper, right, and get it out of your head, because when it's floating in and out of that mental load, it even feels more overwhelming, just because it's not out of there, right? It's just coming and going; it's disorganized enough to just throw it up, like on a piece of paper, literally vomited on there. And then focus on three things—just circle or highlight three things—and start from there. And especially in the strategic case of your business, you know, definitely those revenue-streaming things should be where you start. We tend to procrastinate on those harder tasks that are outside our comfort zone. And I think there's value in that. And sometimes there's no value in that, because we end up subconsciously stressing about those things and taking up a ton of time and energy when we could have just blocked it in and gotten it done. Right.

Yes, just before we were recording this, I was on a strategy call with a client. And we were talking about all these different parts of her business. And I've got a lot of stuff to do. And I say, you know, all of these things are good. But not all of these things need to happen. Right? This Right,

Right? Yeah. Absolutely. You know, I think first and foremost before you can juggle successfully is that you have to have clarity about how you want to spend your time, like what you want to get done, what you want your day to look like, and how you want to feel at the end of the day. If you don't have that clarity, what happens is that you end up, and we all do, no matter how busy we think we are, getting these free pockets of time throughout the day. And when we don't know how we want to spend it, we just fill it with garbage. We just do something mindless, like scrolling through social media. And there's nothing wrong with those things if we're doing them intentionally. But I think nine times out of 10, we're not being intentional with it; we're just doing it to sort of fill in the gap in the five minutes here or the 10 minutes there. We're not quite clear on what we actually want to do or want to get done, or where we want to use that time. So honing in on that is super important; I would say it is like a prerequisite for getting started.

Yes, I think it also comes down to where you're most comfortable. So if you're in that overwhelming state and you have a whole list of tasks, you really pull toward whatever is in your comfort zone. And so, you know, for those that you know prefer the sales side to the operation side, they lean in on that, and then, you know, the operation side becomes a little messier. But also in reverse, if sales isn't necessarily your forte and that customer outreach and all of these different pieces aren't your natural strengths or not what you enjoy, then you kind of default to, and I think I'm going to come over here and work on some of these other things.

Absolutely, yeah, and let's just be clear, like there's nothing wrong with giving your brain a break by taking time to totally just numb out here and there. I believe you abuse this medicine when you use it too frequently. That's where you run into the issue, right? Because what happens is, like, at the end of the day or the end of the week, if you feel defeated, if you feel like the day ran you rather than you ran the day, well, that's where the problem lies. But if you were like, "No, I actually just needed to zone out and laugh and watch these silly videos," then cool, good for you. It sounds like you needed to listen to what you needed, and you did it.

Yes. Isn't that the truth? Everything in moderation All the things in which I believe Yes. Yes, absolutely. So, you know, one of the things I struggled with this week in particular was a really difficult mom and business owner moment when I told the kids, "Hey, we have some time; let's go to the park. And they were, so they were like, "We can go to the park right now. 

I was like, Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. And then I got an emergency client call that was like, Oh, my gosh, the world is ending. And I had that moment of, "Oh, no, and I hated disappointing them. But there was a deadline and whatnot. And so my wonderful mom was like, "No problem. And she took them off to the park. And really, they were fine. They were at the park playing, and Simon said it all worked out. But for me, it was that moment of "Oh, no, when it hit me a little bit like a train of bricks: "Oh, I just don't want to disappoint them. But I also don't want to disappoint. You know, the person who is paying has this emergency. And that's my job. Do you have any advice in situations like that? Where is it that you're really backed into a corner and you ultimately have to make a choice?

 

Making The Right Choice

Yeah, I mean, that's a really tough call. And I think there's no right or wrong answer as to what you should choose. And in that situation, I think, really, it's case by case, right? Because sometimes to a client, it might feel like an emergency, but to you, knowing the ins and outs of things, it's kind of the crux of things. It might not. And that's okay, right? We all have different opinions, sort of like the busy connotation there. You know, so I would say, that's where you need to trust, intuitively, that what you're choosing is the right choice. And even if you end up looking back in hindsight and being like, Well, damn, that actually wasn't an emergency, and I probably should have just gone to the park," well, lesson learned, you know, it's just opening up your, your thought process next time this happens that, like, you're going to ask a few preliminary questions and then maybe decide based on that, or you're going to just always put, you know, the family first in that situation once you've said, so, you know, really, it just depends, I think, case by case and trusting that you're making the right decision, like you're exactly where you need to be,

 And the mom's guilt is real; it comes up often. And I think, especially for moms and businesses, because we are so committed to our, like, passion, right? are growing this business and succeeding in it. And you know, even more so than when you work for someone else. It's hard to separate those lines. And believe me, I've been guilty of being my own worst boss at times, putting immense pressure on myself in ways that I wouldn't have treated myself in my previous corporate career. So you know, just really being able to be self-aware and recognize that, like, "Hey, I don't need to get that done today. It's fine, right? I know, I can do it tomorrow, or I can do it this weekend. Or I can do it. You know, another time when I'm not as exhausted. And I do want to prioritize what's important to me right now, which maybe is reading the kids a bedtime story or, you know, picking them up from school or going to the park like you said.

Yeah, mom guilt—the dreaded mom guilt. It is tough, you know, when you're trying to be really good at everything. Sheryl Sandberg: Did you read her book? Lean in? was really good. I read the chapter on how you're not going to be good at all the things, and I thought, well, she's wrong. I'm still gonna try. What do you know, anyway? It's that desire to, you know, always want to show up for your family. But also, then, I mean, ultimately, showing up for your business and generating the revenue for your family to afford them is still important, and certainly, it's still important. I think that's kind of the complicating piece, but it's really still important for your family.

Yeah. And you just have to recognize that, like, the more you know about yourself, the better you can sort of combat that guilt, right? If you know you are a really ambitious person, you have to feed that part of you because if you starve it, that guilt is going to show up in different ways. You know, mom, guilt doesn't always come in the form of, "Oh, I feel bad and take the kids to the park or I should have picked them up from school," or whatever it is; it can show up in a plethora of ways, including financial guilt. Even if you feel guilty about investing in yourself because you want to, you should be spending that money on your children or putting it in a college savings account. It can come up, you know, in time guilt: "Should I take that Saturday and do something with my friends or should I hang out with my family?" You know, it's sneaky. It shows up in many ways. So you know, the more you can become aware of what you need, who you are, and what your form of self-care looks like, which changes from season to season and day to day, You know, the earlier in the day you can actually show up, the better. And I have to disagree too. I do think you can have it all. And I believe you have the potential to excel at everything.

Well, thank you. I think you're right. I thought the book was very good, very open, and more honest and vulnerable than I thought it would be. But that was the part where I was like, Well, I mean, it was good, except this. I think, you know, that's positive and kind of coming back to that more, like getting away from the scarcity mindset and, you know, with time and energy and effort, at least being optimistic about what is possible rather than starting with the mindset of, "Well, it's not going to work anyway.

Right, yeah, I think a lot of moms, when they're in the season of motherhood, whatever that is, whether it's with a new baby and they're having sleepless nights, or adding to the family and adjusting to that, or kids in school, who knows, whatever season it is, we tend to put these excuses in place, and they're very valid excuses.I don't want to minimize them in any way. But we tend to place them in front of our own pursuit of things that we want to do for our own goals, right? And we're like, "Well, this season is really hard because XYZ, or that season is really hard because of this. And, again, while they are very valid excuses and they are, you know, legitimate, they aren't excuses. They are excuses, like we prioritize what's important to us. So in the end, I'm kind of direct; I'm originally from New York. So I'm really direct in how I coach, teach, train, and do all these things. And, you know, I'm sorry; I'm not sorry, but it's on you. If you're not prioritizing those things, it's on you. Nobody's knocking on your door telling you to prioritize your business, prioritize your self-care, prioritize this or that; you have to make it happen.

You have to be really confident in the direction you're going. There's a fitness influencer type person who's actually local to me, and she has a son. I think he's about two and a half. And he is really a part of everything she's got going on. And let me tell you, she cannot win on the parenting piece. She deals with it very well. But it's like, the people online who feel like they can offer her advice on how she should be managing her, you know, balancing the juggling of the child and the work, and you know, not being hard enough on the child, and Oh, that's too far the other way. And I just feel like people really feel like they can offer that advice in terms of how you're parenting, juggling, or balancing. And so if you're not secure or competent in what you're doing, it's very easy to get pulled into, you know, oh, maybe that was too far. Or maybe that wasn't the case, and that's challenging. And I think it's really more unique online. People just feel like they can offer their

Hopefully it's like people, what do they call it, like when you drink beer, like to get more social, like they drink like Courage or juice, it's totally online, right? People feel like they're behind the screen; they can say whatever they want to say. Trolls come out more frequently online. Absolutely. Yeah. But I agree. I mean, I think and I struggle with it too, sometimes myself, because I'm a pretty private person in general. But I know when I can be vulnerable in my business.

That's when I connect the most with people. Like, for example, when I published my first book, Time, the day after it got published, I was like, I have a vulnerability hangover. I was like a hole. Now people are actually going to read this. Oh, my God. You know, there are a lot of personal stories in there. But the best and most frequent piece of advice or piece of feedback that I got from that book was the relatable factor. And it wouldn't have come if I hadn't shared those really vulnerable stories.

And that is the balance. It's the balance of, you know, vulnerability and, you know, relatability and whatnot. I haven't published a whole book, but I was a part of a book, actually, just as I was leaving corporate, almost like a Chicken Soup for the Soul type book, where we each kind of had a chapter and a story. And so when the book came out on launch day, my grandma, whom I absolutely adore, was like, "She's buying the book. On day one, she needed the book. And so it arrived quickly. And so she calls me and says, So I read your book," and I said, Oh, this is great. Because you shared a lot. Oh, no. Right. Totally. It was this moment of, "Oh, no, and she's like, Yeah, do you think it's going to be okay? For me or not?

 Do you want to hear after your publication goes live?

 Yes. Because I thought, "Oh, my goodness. So I can; I'm like, "Okay, okay, and I know what Okay, I'm like, it's, I feel like it's almost because it was just as I was leaving corporate, and I would probably have gotten a slightly different, like, different direction if I wrote the same story now in terms of being a little more vulnerable and whatnot, but in that moment of leaving corporate and sharing kind of my story, and then, you know, at that moment with my grandma, it was like, I was feeling okay, until she called.

Women Changing The Business World

Well, now I want to read the story. What book is this? So it's called "women of worth. Wow. And I was in the ninth book, Women in Business in a Changing World, where there are quite a few different stories. And you know, it was such an incredible project to be a part of because all the different women were writing about their stories and different stories, and it was a very incredible experience for sure. Yeah, that sounds really powerful. And I'm sure it will be very helpful to those who are reading it. It was really my first big exercise in vulnerability. And you know, let's you dove right in, and, you know, I often joke now that I haven't seen my comfort zone since that moment; it was like, we jumped in. Yes, right out of our comfort zone, we just kept going. There are tangible tips that someone could implement tomorrow and, you know, reap the benefits by the end of the week. What are those pieces that people can get for a quick win?

Okay, yes, I think we kind of talked about this a little bit earlier, which is your mindset around time and really looking at time from a scarcity mindset. So, if you find yourself saying I don't have time frequently or if you catch yourself saying it, I want you to flip the script on these words and start replacing I don't have time with "It's not a priority to me. So let's quickly exemplify this. So let's say you're someone who really wants to exercise. But you find yourself saying often, I don't have time to workout; I don't have time to exercise; I don't have time to go to the gym. So now I want you to flip that around. And I want you to say that exercise isn't a priority to me. Going to the gym isn't a priority to me, and working out isn't a priority to me.

 And what's going to happen is that you're going to go one of two ways. And to me, they're both winning; you're both winning, right? No matter which direction you go, So in one direction, you say this out loud, and all of a sudden you feel lighter, you feel better, you feel less guilty, you feel less shame, because, you know what, it's not a priority to you. So why are you trying to convince yourself it is right? And that's fine. And this can be temporary; maybe it's just the season you're in, maybe it's just the day, maybe it's just the week. And you know what? As soon as you lift that off your shoulders, you can free up a ton of mental space and go about your day in a much better mindset and mood, right with less guilt flushing, so winning in my opinion, even if you don't get the exercise in that day.When you say this out loud, working out isn't a priority to me. You're going to feel achy. You're going to feel really misaligned. And what's going to happen is that you're going to find a way to make it a priority, right? You're going to wake up earlier, go to sleep later, use a lunch hour, or, you know, fit it in between calls or whatever it is. Because it doesn't align with your values and what you actually want to be a priority in your day. So you're going to figure out how to make it work.

factor different, you know, two very different reactions, like you said, both wedding and depending on what it is, you know, if you're adding these unnecessary things to your task list that really aren't a priority that you feel obligated to do. And then you say, "You know, that's not a priority to me right now. You might think, "Yeah, that's true. That's right. Like me, it's just not the right time. I find that the working out piece is, you know, the exercising and all of that when you're in the routine of doing it, when it's a part of your schedule. It fits your, you know, there's it's You can't imagine not doing it. It's like that's part of your routine. I'm a very routine, habitual person. So even when I like to travel for different conferences or whatnot, I feel just disorganized if I like eating different foods and doing those kinds of things. But when you're working out, it's just a part of it. And when you're not working out, and it's not a part of your schedule, the thought of where does it fit? It's like, I can't imagine coming up with that much time every week. But once it's back in your schedule and routine, if you've kind of fallen out of that, it truly is. Just become part of it. Yeah,

 

Importance of Habits

I totally agree. I think habits are so important. So helpful and so necessary in my membership program. Right now, we're actually doing quarterly challenges where we implement a new habit. So habits scientifically take about 21 days to stick. So after 21 days, we are right now in our second quarter of our quarterly challenge. We walked at least a mile a day for 21 days or so.

You said that this was a new program. Is it still open for people to join in? Where could they join in if they were interested?

Absolutely. Yeah. So it's called the Bayes management club. And it's a monthly membership program. We do monthly group coaching. We have monthly experts and guest experts who come in and do a workshop. We have weekly check-ins for accountability and support. Get your questions answered. There's a resource library of fabulous training, downloadable PDFs and quizzes, and lots of great things. And it's really, and we do these quarterly challenges, as I mentioned, and it's really for the moms who are juggling, you know, building and growing their businesses alongside motherhood and all the other hats that we're wearing.

Sounds like a really, really interesting program, and there's probably some, you know, community building going on there as well when you're finding those kinds of like-minded people.

for sure.   For sure, yes.

Fantastic. Well, thank you so much for being here today. It's really been fantastic. And I love that, you know, you can be a mom and be a business owner, whether that's being a mompreneur to you or whether that's something different. It's ultimately about juggling and finding ways to do so. That feels good to you.

Yes. When you feel good, you do good. That's what I like to say.

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